I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
