Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize