Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
