Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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