my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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