plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
