It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
