Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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