Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
