I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
