Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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