like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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