He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
