You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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