when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
