I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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