Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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