You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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