U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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