I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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