Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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