I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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