I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
