so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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