We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
