it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
