hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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