Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize