I'm drive I can fine osifer
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
