he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
