i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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