im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
