Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
