After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
