can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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