We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
