Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
