these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
