Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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