Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
