JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
