I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
