i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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