does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
