Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
