also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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