You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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