Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
