He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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