Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
