Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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