why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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