Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
