Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
