i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
