Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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