my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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