I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
