the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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