Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
