jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
