Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
