Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
