Don't make out with my wife yet
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
