We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
