True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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