Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
