smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
