My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
