she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
