I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
